dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
