Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
