Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
