FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
