he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
