Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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