Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
