i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
