A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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