I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
