I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
