I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
