A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
