Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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