did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
