I'm really into asian looking animals
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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