I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
