dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
