How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's Friday. Sex?
he thought i was a dude.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
