can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
