I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
