Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
