it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
