I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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