craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
