I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
