I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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