My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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