Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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