Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's get the cat blown out
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
