Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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