He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
