I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
