It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
