I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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