just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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