if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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