I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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