remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
