I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
