woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
