he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
