At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
