Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
