awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
