Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
