PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
