When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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