how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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