I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
