Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
