am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
