So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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